The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's never too late to be topless.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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