i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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