ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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