I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize