Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
