those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Randomize
