I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just sent this text using only my big toe
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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