Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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