eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
