Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
