A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
