i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
