Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
