I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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