accomplished twins. life is a go
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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