You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
