I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
