i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
