At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
