Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
