He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
