that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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