my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
