my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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