I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
