Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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