dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
