everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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