no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
