i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize