Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
