I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
