I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She told me I should be a condom model.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
