I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
