this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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