found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
