i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
two words: eviction party
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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