I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
