he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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