dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize