you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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