Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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