I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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