i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
