Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize