He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
