a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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