Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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