I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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