If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
