Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
