Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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