Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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