Only a mothe r could love this liver
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
