I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
