omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
