life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
