my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
