biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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