i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
