How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize