is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize