And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
