Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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