She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
