I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
