Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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