I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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