You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
