I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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