3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize