Where is the hickey?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
